Generation Uncoupled received its first review from Kirkus Reviews. The time between when you finish work on a book and when people actually start reading it can feel interminable, so I’m grateful to have gotten some early positive feedback on it. Only a few weeks left to go!
“Cox’s study offers a compassionate, clear-eyed view of civic breakdown and practical solutions to end social atomization. Essential reading for those seeking to help younger generations heal the gender divisions that have fractured them.” -- Kirkus Reviews
To read the full review, click here.
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The global fertility rate is plummeting. In the US, fewer teens report they are interested in ever becoming parents. Perhaps it’s due to concerns about climate change, housing affordability, the cost of education or childcare, or the growing pessimism some young people feel about finding a partner. For me, explaining the drop in fertility is less interesting than understanding changing attitudes about marriage and family. Young women especially express greater hesitancy about becoming mothers. In our recent survey of American teenagers there was another critical divide in views about family: religion.
The Family Divide: Religious Boys vs. Secular Girls
One of the most pronounced divisions between religious teen boys and secular teen girls is in their views about family. More than six in ten (61 percent) teen boys who attend religious services regularly believe that “getting married and having children are essential to living a successful life”. This view is shared by only 29 percent of teen girls who seldom or never attend services—most reject the idea that marriage and children are critical components of a good life. Notably, religious teen girls are also less likely to endorse this proposition—less than half agree that marriage and parenthood are central life experiences.
When looking ahead to the future, religious and secular teens report somewhat different priorities. Religious boys and secular girls differ most over how likely they are to have children. Secular teen girls are generally optimistic about having a variety of experiences; most say it is very or extremely likely they will own a home (57 percent), have a rewarding job (59 percent), and graduate from college (59 percent). Most also believe they will get married to someone they feel strongly about too. But only 32 percent say they are very or extremely likely to have children.
However, it’s worth asking whether this may have more to do with gender than religion. Overall, teen girls demonstrate considerable uncertainty about parenthood. Religiously active teen girls are only somewhat more likely than secular girls to say they are very or extremely likely to have children—42 percent.
For religious teen boys, there is nothing they feel more confident about than getting married. More than two-thirds say they are very or extremely likely to get married to someone they feel strongly about. Most believe they will secure a good job or a rewarding career, and, in a stark contrast to secular women, most (54 percent) believe they will become a parent someday.
I don’t think it’s any mystery as to how this happens. The cultural context of religious and nonreligious households is often quite different. It’s not simply that secular and religious teens embrace different theologies or worldviews, but that their practical experiences and influences are distinct. This is not always measurable in surveys, but in this case, we can see systematic differences in parenting strategies in religious and secular households. In a 2025 study, we found that religious young adults were more likely than their secular peers to report that their parents emphasized the importance of having a family. Nearly six in ten young adults who are religiously active report that their parents at least occasionally talked with them about the importance of getting married; only 35 percent of secular young adults said the same. There is a 22-point gap between religious and secular young adults in how often their parents discussed the importance of parenthood with them.
This is not the only difference that emerged in our research. Religious teens are far more likely than secular teens to report regularly sitting down together for meals with their families. Nearly nine in ten (89 percent) say they have meals as a family at least once a week compared to roughly two in three secular teens. Religious teens help out around the house more often, too.
Religious teens tend to be more socially active as well. While they do not report having more friends than secular teens, they do report spending more time with them. Nearly two-thirds (65 percent) of religious teens say they hang out with their friends outside of school at least once a week. Less than half of secular teens report spending as much time with their friends after school or on weekends.
It might explain why more religious teens believe they are better off than their peers. Close to half (46 percent) of religious teens, including a majority (56 percent) of religious teen boys, believe that they are happier than most other teenagers their age. Only 34 percent of secular teens believe they are happier, and this number drops to only 30 percent among secular teen girls.
However, it’s not as if nonreligious teens are simply disaffected. With the exception of music, secular teens are about as involved in a variety of school activities as religious teens. When it comes to their relationship with their parents, views about their school, and personal health, secular teens register similar levels of satisfaction. They spend a bit more time on social media, and secular teen boys spend much more time playing video games than religious teen boys. Still, the clearest distinction between religious teens and secular teens emerges from their perspectives about parenthood and marriage.
Teenage years are a time of rapid change, as individual decisions can set teens down very different life paths. Our formative religious experiences shape spiritual and religious interests in adulthood. Teenagers with minimal religious experiences will most likely go on to remain uninvolved in religious worship even as they get older.
In our survey of American teenagers (ages 13 to 17) one-third of teens reported that they attended religious services with their family at least once a week. Close to four in ten (38 percent) attended occasionally or infrequently. More than one in four (27 percent) reported that they never attend religious services at all.
The gap between religious and secular teens in how they approach and prioritize decisions about marriage and family will continue into adulthood. Individual interests and personal goals play a role independent of our formative experiences, but in so many ways, these early experiences exert a tremendous influence over the life we eventually lead. When parents purposefully model a lifestyle that highlights the benefits of social obligation and commitment, their kids will more likely embrace these values as well. When parents stay neutral on these looming life decisions, their kids will take other considerations into account and look elsewhere for guidance.
The demographic cliff is cultural. Pure and simple, from beginning to end. Talking about lack of day care, housing, etc... is shown as the lie it is by any simple look at history. And modern fertile cultures.