The Dating Struggles of Noncollege Men

Well-educated women are pessimistic about dating, but they are more successful than most

I write a lot about dating. So do lots of other people. Recently, a series of articles have been published that have hit on a not entirely novel thesis: dating men is a uniquely terrible experience for many women. These articles introduced new terms, “heterofatalism” or “heteropessimism,” to capture the unenviable experience of being a woman attracted to men. I don’t find it difficult to believe that men sometimes engage in offensive, off-putting, or even threatening dating behaviors. I’ve heard plenty of these stories and have written about them. It’s also important to explain why it happens. If our goal is to understand modern dating dynamics, we need to step back from personal narratives that create compelling reading but provide little clarity.

Despite what you may have read, we are not experiencing a crisis of heterosexuality, at least not among college graduates. Most college-educated women are still getting married, even if the process of finding a spouse is less enjoyable than …