Generation Uncoupled Updates:

I’ll be at Politics & Prose bookstore tonight at 7pm for a conversation about Generation Uncoupled. Stop by if you’re in the DMV!

If you haven’t caught my interview with Chris Williamson on Modern Wisdom, you can watch the full interview here. It was an entertaining conversation!

I also had a great conversation with Jason Parham at WIRED about the dating app landscape and how the rush for expediency has degraded the entire experience of finding a partner.

One of the tragedies of the 21^st century is how central the internet has become in our lives. For many of us, it’s the first thing we check in the morning and the last thing we see before falling asleep. It has become our constant companion, a powerful distraction, and a source of endless entertainment. And now, the internet increasingly serves as a place where people go to find community. A new study by Pew found that nearly half of young adults belong to an online community. And unlike older Americans, their purpose for frequenting these digital spaces is not simply to acquire information or get advice, but “to feel accepted.” Two-thirds of young adults who are part of an online community say that this is an important reason they spend time online, a rate far higher than that of older Americans.

I find this deeply troubling. I worry that social media and various chat forums can seem to fill a need while only offering a pale approximation of in-person places. Most young people do not see it this way. The same Pew study found that most young adults said online communities allow people to form just as meaningful personal connections as in-person communities. But social trust is built most effectively when developed through regular participation in organizations, clubs, and institutions in the real world—places with established norms and expectations for behavior. The internet is a low-trust environment. It is too easy to deceive, to manipulate, and to mask our intentions online (not to mention our identity). This is why the most common places Americans develop close friendships are schools, the workplace, places of worship, and their neighborhoods—not Reddit.

I’ve watched with some dismay as the horrific events at a Cornell University fraternity have morphed into a broader indictment of male-only social spaces. In a recent New York Times opinion piece, a philosophy professor at Cornell offered a stunning assessment of male association: “According to the norms within many all-male groups, when one man proposes doing something immoral or illegal, the bro code dictates that other men go along with it.” She cites no study to support this sweeping claim; rather, it is simply her personal belief about the inherent toxicity of male-only spaces.

Public skepticism about male-only social spaces is hardly new. A recent Pew study found that while 57 percent of Americans said all-female social groups have a positive impact on society, only 43 percent said the same for male-only groups. These concerns have coincided with the disappearance of these spaces from society.

In Generation Uncoupled, I write:

“In many neighborhoods, barbershops struggled to fend off competition from national chains that offered cheaper or more convenient services. Veterans’ organizations and union halls started disappearing when they started running out of members. Even before the Boy Scouts became coed, their membership had plummeted. Vanishing male spaces represented a real loss, but it became exceeding difficult to articulate what their absence meant for boys and young men. Rising attention to enduring sexual abuse scandals, patterns of misconduct of male leaders, and the new language of male privilege stymied efforts to engage in more nuanced discussions. At a time when many young men felt the world had become less sympathetic to their problems and more focused on the negative consequences of their behavior, there were fewer spaces where they felt welcome.”

If these spaces disappear, the internet will fill the void. It already has, and the consequences have not been promising. A study by Common Sense Media of boys ages eleven to seventeen found that nearly seven in ten reported encountering posts that promote negative gender stereotypes, such as: Women are only interested in tall, wealthy, and attractive men. Sociologist Jean Twenge found that it was boys who use social media most heavily that have the most traditional views of gender roles.

At every turn, there are signs of accelerating social withdrawal. A newly released study shows that between 2010 and 2023, the amount of time boys spend outside has been cut in half. This is tragic and utterly foreseeable.

It is the lack of strong friendships that leaves men more disposed to feelings of aggrievement. Men without any close friends are more than twice as likely to believe that society does not value men as those with six or more close friends. However difficult our lives may be, community lifts spirits and lightens the load. It also leads us to become better people.

Regardless of how active young adults are online, there is no replacement for building relationships in the real world. This is especially true for young men who are less likely than women to engage with their friends when they spend time online. When young men (and women) feel they are not drifting through the world alone and invisible, they are better able to engage in generosity and empathy. Male- and female-only spaces are meant to form us, to guide us, and to encourage us to be better, and so it matters greatly when they fall short. It doesn’t mean they are not necessary.

This is one of the core arguments I make in the book:

“Social spaces serve a critical function for boys and girls alike. Our virtues cannot emerge from a vacuum. They are acquired through patient, nurturing support from people we know and trust, and the commitments we are asked to make on behalf of others. The process of developing character is a communal enterprise, and the failure to instill values is a societal one. Social and civic responsibility is learned, and we have quietly abandoned our role to teach it. None of us become the person we want to be without help, someone to redirect unhelpful impulses, to encourage us when we falter, to show us the way.”

Order Generation Uncoupled

Generation Uncoupled was released this week! We held a public release event yesterday in Washington, D.C. and a private dinner with a few colleagues and journalists. It was an edifying conversation and I’m looking forward to having more.

An excerpt of my book was just published at The Free Press, check it out!

I’ve also spoken about the book on a number of podcasts, including The Remnant, The Gray Area, and Something You Should Know.

As a reminder, annual subscribers or long-term monthly subscribers are eligible to receive a free book. Simply send an email with your physical address to this email: generationuncoupled@gmail.com. Also, for those who purchase a book by Sunday, I’ll provide a free annual subscription to American Storylines. Simply submit a photo of your receipt to the email above.

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Of the various trends documented in Generation Uncoupled, one of the most startling, dispiriting, and consequential is the rising fear that women feel about their personal safety. For more than two decades, Gallup has tracked public perceptions about crime—the personal sense of threat people feel about being a victim of theft, assault, or even murder. Beginning around 2015, younger women’s fears about being a victim of sexual assault increased rapidly after decades of relatively little change. By 2023, nearly six in ten younger women worried about this at least occasionally.

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In both the very early days of a book project and in the very late stages, authors are encouraged to answer some version of the following question: Why should this book exist? It can be a difficult question to answer.

When my publicist for Generation Uncoupled prodded me to think about how I might answer this question, my first thought was: inertia. This book is the product of years of polling research and focus groups on a variety of topics, including dating, friendship and loneliness, changes in American family life, and trends in civic and associational belonging. The very first survey I conducted after arriving at AEI more than 7 years ago focused on dating and politics. In 2021, we conducted the first major study on the state of American friendship in decades and introduced the concept of the “friendship recession.” A year later, our polls started to reveal growing cultural and political divisions between young men and women. In many ways, the book was a culmination of these seemi…

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Generation Uncoupled received its first review from Kirkus Reviews. The time between when you finish work on a book and when people actually start reading it can feel interminable, so I’m grateful to have gotten some early positive feedback on it. Only a few weeks left to go!

“Cox’s study offers a compassionate, clear-eyed view of civic breakdown and practical solutions to end social atomization. Essential reading for those seeking to help younger generations heal the gender divisions that have fractured them.” -- Kirkus Reviews

To read the full review, click here.

If you’re interested in supporting this work, please consider pre-ordering a book. You can also visit Goodreads to enter the giveaway for a free copy.

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Whatever your opinion about the state of higher education, Tyler Austin Harper’s recent Atlantic cover story, “Why I Quit The Tenure Track,” will likely make you feel something—exhaustion, aggrievement, frustration, fascination, disbelief, or admiration. I certainly felt a mix of feelings, but I more so felt incredibly curious about what the article, and the reactions to it, tell us about how Americans view institutions of higher learning.

Harper’s story documents his experience as a Black professor at Bates College—specifically the school’s clumsy and often heavy-handed efforts aimed at addressing racial inequality. Harper details how these practices held white and non-white students and faculty to different standards and how the university’s goal of achieving a “culture of repair” led to mandates and practices that infantilized Black students. The experience was bewildering, frustrating, and eventually alienating—it precipitated Harper’s departure from his once dream job. For many cr…

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In case it was not already obvious, 2024 was not a great year for Democrats. President Joe Biden recorded his lowest approval rating of his entire term in the summer of 2024—an anemic 36 percent. Although inflation had fallen from pandemic highs, voters still largely blamed Democrats for the spike in costs, and affordability was a salient electoral issue. Polls showed that the Republican Party was more trusted to handle the most important issues of the day. Whether it was dealing with immigration, reducing crime, defending the country from terrorism, or strengthening the economy, the GOP held a massive edge over the Democrats. Candidates always matter, but in 2024 the Democratic Party faced a tsunami of voter disaffection and doubt.

Donald Trump did very well among young men in the last election—an outcome that some attributed to his bro-friendly campaign strategy, such as associating with UFC fighters and male-friendly podcasters. But Trump gained ground among young women as well—a gr…

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We have a new survey out today, “A Digital Divide in American Adolescence: Gender, Class, and the New Teenage Experience.” The report explores how American teenagers (age 13 to 17), spend their time, delves into their social media use, and their personal outlook for the future. There’s lots that is new here, but I want to dedicate this newsletter to discussing one of the more concerning trends revealed in these findings. It’s one that has also been largely ignored.

Consistent with a lot of recent work on the subject, we found that social media use is associated with certain negative outcomes. I should note that at least in this study, only heavy social media use—spending at least four hours a day on these platforms—appeared to matter. There were few differences between moderate and light users. And it was only among girls that social media seemed to be a problem. As I write in the report:

“Heavy social media users report much lower personal satisfaction than those who spend less time o…

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Americans are talking less than we used to. The only species that uses language to communicate, humans are becoming more laconic. A new study found that between 2005 and 2019, Americans spoke “330 fewer words spoken per day for each year during that time period” according to one of the authors. We went from speaking approximately 16,600 words each day to roughly 12,000 on average. That’s a lot less talking. But it’s not only that we’re having fewer conversations, rather who we’re no longer having them with.

Modern society has offered us a greater number of opportunities to engage with strangers online and fewer incentives to do so in the real world. Last week, I visited my first contactless store in the Dallas airport. You pick up an item, walk over to the screen pad, swipe your credit card, and off you go. It’s a seamless process. Many major retailers, including CVS, Whole Foods, and Target have self-checkout options. There are humans around to deter shoplifters, but they rarely talk …

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In less than a couple of weeks, the United States will celebrate its 250^th birthday. A president incapable of civic good will preside over inevitably gaudy, self-aggrandizing, and perhaps polarizing festivities. In a Truth Social post, Trump claimed that this year’s July 4^th will be “the most spectacular TRUMP RALLY of them all.”

But even without Trump’s polarizing presence, the 250^th anniversary of our country’s independence would probably have been a fairly muted celebration. Fewer Americans today feel an affinity for their country. Over the last decade, American pride in the country has plummeted. For most of the recent past, Americans have been exceptionally proud of their country, regardless of which political party occupied the White House. Gallup polls show that from 2001 to 2016, at least eight in ten Americans said they were very or extremely proud to be American. These feelings diminished rapidly after Donald Trump was first elected in 2016, stabilizing somewhat after he left…

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Photo credit: EJ Baker | https://www.inkcap.design/

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Last month, we released a new survey report, Strangers Next Door: The Decline of Neighborhood Socializing and the Class Divide in Belonging, which detailed the changing relationships we have with people living near us. I'd encourage you to read it. As often happens with a survey like this, not all the polling results made it into the published report. This week, I want to share some of the most fascinating stuff that didn’t make the final cut.

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I recently came across a fascinating study by the Pew Research Center which showed that roughly one in three Americans reported having a tattoo in 2023. More than one in five had multiple. But the real story isn’t how many tattoos we’re getting, but who is getting them. In the write-up, Pew helpfully breaks down the results by various demographic groups. Who’s inked up? Younger Americans, those with less formal education, Americans with lower incomes, and women. Especially young women. An astounding 56 percent of women ages 18 to 29 report having a tattoo. (I should note that this was only surprising to me. My 20-something-year-old research assistants were not terribly surprised by this fact.)

Even if this does not seem high, it certainly seems higher than it once was. What do we know about how things have changed? It turns out this is not the first time Pew has asked about tattoos. And the results are very different. Young women were far less likely to report having a tattoo in 2010 t…

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The book that I’ve spent the last year and a half researching and writing is finally off to production. There are still plenty of edits to make, but most of the work is done. Generation Uncoupled is going to be released before the midterm elections this fall, and I cannot wait to talk about it and share more in the coming months.

Preorder Generation Uncoupled

Without going into too much detail, here is what I can tell you about the book. Generation Uncoupled...

1. Features lots of fascinating new polling research that I am confident you will not have seen anywhere else.

2. Is based on over one hundred hours of conversations—focus groups and in-depth interviews—with young men and women about sex, pornography, politics, ghosting, loneliness, social media, and friendship.

3. Has lots of charts! I don’t only rely on our research at the Survey Center, but polling from a variety of research organizations, such as Pew, Gallup, and others.

4. Is about more than dating and sex. Not that these things are unimportant – I talk abo…

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In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, I received a steady stream of email pitches featuring dating-related research. They included research on the states with the highest rates of infidelity (sorry Colorado!), the most desired body types on OnlyFans, and the share of Americans who require consent before receiving a hug (one in three, apparently). There was even one offering aphrodisiac cocktail recipes. Partly, this is the result of some marketing professionals realizing that I research and write about dating and relationships. But the proliferation of this type of research is also an inevitable consequence of lowering barriers to entry. Today, as more methodologically rigorous research has become much more expensive, it is possible to conduct a “survey” with minimal resources and zero expertise. There are now DIY survey tools that allow any user to run their own study. Even before AI, we were producing research of dubious quality and limited use.

This introduces two related prob…

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Earlier this week, I participated in a panel on “Male Vice in an Internet Age,” a conversation that focused on the challenges of Internet pornography and online sports betting. I was joined by Richard Reeves from the American Institute for Boys and Men, Charles Lehman of the Manhattan Institute and my colleague Christine Emba. You can check out our conversation here.

— Dan

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There is a growing consensus that young adults have bucked recent trends towards greater acceptance of LGBTQ people and have become less tolerant than previous generations. Young men have become notably less supportive of gay rights, a fact regularly attributed either to their growing religiosity (wrong) or their growing conservatism (also wrong).

A recent New York Times article by psychologists Tessa E.S. Charlesworth and Eli J. Finkel argues that there has been a rapid increase in anti-gay biases among the public. The authors note not only how rapidly the change has occurred— “In just four years, anti-gay bias rose by around 10 percent,” — but that the increase was especially robust among the youngest adults.

Public polling tells a somewhat different story. First, the views of Gen Z men and women are quite different. In fact, the gender gap on a number of cultural questions is larger among this age group than any other. (If you’re a regular reader of this newsletter, this is not news …

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About a year ago, I was at the University of Virginia conducting interviews for my book. I had a lot of interesting conversations with students about dating, politics, and their goals for the future. But one interview in particular stuck out. When I talked to Max, a senior preparing to graduate, he casually expressed that while his employment prospects were good, some places would not want him because he is a “white guy.” He elaborated: “Every time you apply for essentially any job here, there’s a checkbox on the application for race, gender, disability. And I think a lot of people, you know, they see that and they’ll think ‘they don’t want to hire me.’”

A recent essay published in Compact Magazine reminded me of my conversation with Max. Jacob Savage’s “The Lost Generation” argues that, over the last decade, professional opportunities for white millennial men have been disappearing due to discriminatory hiring practices. Savage argued that as organizations sought to implement policies…

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Merry Christmas! It’s hard to believe that 2025 is coming to a close. It was a taxing but rewarding year. I’ve mostly finished work on my book, Generation Uncoupled, which is tentatively scheduled for release in fall 2026. Although book research and writing have taken up much of my energy this year, we managed to publish three major survey reports and lots of newsletters. We have several exciting projects slated for 2026, and I look forward to sharing those results with you in the year ahead.

Before I share our top five survey findings of 2025, I wanted to highlight some of my favorite news stories that featured our research. One of the most rewarding aspects of doing public opinion polling is that I get to regularly engage with some exceptionally smart, motivated, and curious journalists. Our work appeared in more than 250 major news stories this year! Here are a few of my favorites:

Jesus Bot Is Always on Demand (for a Small Monthly Fee) by Jessica Grose for The New York Times

I don’t…

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I write a lot about dating. So do lots of other people. Recently, a series of articles have been published that have hit on a not entirely novel thesis: dating men is a uniquely terrible experience for many women. These articles introduced new terms, “heterofatalism” or “heteropessimism,” to capture the unenviable experience of being a woman attracted to men. I don’t find it difficult to believe that men sometimes engage in offensive, off-putting, or even threatening dating behaviors. I’ve heard plenty of these stories and have written about them. It’s also important to explain why it happens. If our goal is to understand modern dating dynamics, we need to step back from personal narratives that create compelling reading but provide little clarity.

Despite what you may have read, we are not experiencing a crisis of heterosexuality, at least not among college graduates. Most college-educated women are still getting married, even if the process of finding a spouse is less enjoyable than …

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